About 10 years ago, a friend of mine posted something in her blog, an entry detailing 50 things she loved about herself. I liked the idea, so I stole it, and since then I've been posting odes to myself periodically -- usually when I'm feeling like I need a pick-me-up.
Now is one of those times. I've been feeling curiously contemplative of late. Things are unsettled, on a lot of fronts in my life. Plus, with my currently chaotic work schedule, both my eating and sleeping habits are suffering -- not a good thing for a girl who needs seven hours a night and regular caloric intake to maintain her equalibrium.
When I did this the first time, I thought it would be fun, a silly little exercise in extolling my own awesomeness. Girl power, and all that. Now...self-indulgence? An excuse for narcissism? I don't know, except I'm pretty sure I didn't think about it this deeply a decade ago.
But it doesn't matter, not really. Sometimes, I just need to remind myself that I'm not that bad. I believe it most of the time, and I fake it really well the rest of the time, but sometimes, I need a reminder.
So here it is:
1. I'm pursuing my dreams (i.e. writing novels), and I've been treating it seriously for about the past year and a half now.
2a. I read a shit-ton of books.
2b. As CC2K's Book Editor, I don't have nearly enough time to write about all the books I read, so I resolved some time ago to make most of my reviews positive rather than negative. I know that might make some take my opinions less seriously ("That Beth, she likes everything.") but I'd rather build up the books/authors I like than tear down the ones I don't.
3. I am stubborn. Mules have nothing on me. It was a trait that got me labeled difficult in childhood, but has served me well as an adult.
4. I will fight for what I believe in. I try to choose my battles based on what I think is important, not those I think I can win.
5. I trust my intuition.
6. I don't have very many friends, but I'm very loyal to the ones I do have.
7. I really admire my mother, and will tell people so.
8a. I'm unfailingly honest.
8b. I will tell people the truths that maybe they don't want to know, but I try to tell them in a way that won't hurt or upset them too badly.
9. I'm a cheap, and easy to please, date. Pizza (good pizza, that is), a good movie, a long walk, good conversation, a guy who will give me his jacket if I get cold...makes me a very contented Beth.
10. I really like hot sex scenes in romance novels. (And non-romance novels, for that matter.)
11. I make really good chocolate chip cookie bars.
12. I got a tattoo, even though no one I knew thought I would get one. (Partially because no one I knew thought I would get one.)
13. I adopted a cat, even though I was terrified of them. (Partially because I was terrified of them.) Now I like Annabel (the aforementioned cat) way better than most of the humans I know.
14. I'll admit it: I love the color of my eyes (very, very blue).
15. I can remember really random facts and details. I kick ass on trivia games, especially entertainment trivia. (Managed to flummox my coworkers the other day when I came up with Salieri as the name of Mozart's rival in Amadeus. Probably would have flummoxed them even more if I mentioned I had never actually seen the movie.)
16. I have resolved never to be anyone's doormat.
17. I love kick-ass heroines in books/movies/TV -- both the kind of heroines who kick ass physically, and the kind of heroines who kick ass because they're really intelligent and strong. Those are the women I aspire to be like.
18. I laugh a lot.
19. I don't hold grudges.
20a. I don't believe in diet soda. Diet soda is not healthy, not with all the chemicals and crap in it. If you're going to drink soda, just own it and drink the regular stuff. If you want to drink something healthier and with fewer calories, drink water.
20b. I drink regular soda a lot. I'm a Coke girl. I know it's unhealthy. But screw it. I like it anyway.
21. When I finally saw Titanic all the way through -- about 10 years after it came out -- I thought, "This isn't as bad as I thought it would be...but it needs more sex and violence."
22. My imagination tends to dwell on the dark side, and it's only become worse as I've gotten older. I don't need monsters in the closet; I create them myself. I don't think I'm even capable of writing a normal, happy story without death and destruction at this point.
23. I am completely indepedent. I can -- and do -- take care of myself.
24. Even though I've finally learned to appreciate the appeal of a pretty dress, I still come home at night and immediately change into yoga pants, a t-shirt, and slippers. (Sometimes, I'll get invited to go out again, and I have to change back.)
25. Sometimes, I'll turn up the music loud ("Come on, Eileen" is always a good choice) and jump up and down around my apartment. My downstairs neighbors must love me.
26. When I really like a song, I often Google it so I can memorize the lyrics.
27. I'm a strong person. Not physically -- the average guy (hell, maybe even an average girl) could kick my ass. But you'd be hard pressed to find someone who could dominate or intimidate me. And if you did, I'd move heaven and earth to make sure it didn't happen again.
28. I try to live without regrets.
30. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
31. I love kids.
32. There are few things as fascinating to me as an old cemetary.
33. I call myself an agonistic, but I'm not sure that's exactly accurate. I like to keep my mind open to possibilities.
34. I don't particularly like wearing makeup.
35. Heard this story from my mom: at my first birthday party, I was toddling one, maybe 2 steps at a time. I saw some of the older kids (i.e. 18 months-2 years) running around. I jumped up and ran over to catch up with them. So I literally ran before I could walk.
36. My favorite movie is Harold and Maude, this cult classic from the early 1970s about a suicidal 20-something who develops this friendship with a lively octogenarian. I can't explain it adaquately, so you should just watch.
37. My conversations tend to be very stream-of-consciousness.
38. I don't own a car. When I start to get frustrated by how much of a nuisance this is, I just think, "But my carbon footprint totally rocks."
39. I can laugh at myself. Most of my anecdotes consist of stupid things I've done.
40. I bruise easily. When I'm bored, I try to invent interesting stories for how I obtained said bruises.
41. I use big words in everyday conversation. It's not an affectation; it's just the way I've always talked.
42. I am a musical anachronism. Most of the music I like is 20 years old or better, and was popular long before I came of age.
43. I use sunscreen on my face every day.
44. I'm not afraid to speak my mind.
45. I take my Kindle with me almost everywhere.
46. Sometimes, I really like being alone.
47. I don't take crap from anyone.
48. I've thrown up in public no fewer than three times, and none of those times has ever been because of drunkenness.
49. Forget liking to travel; I like to move. (To different places, not just different apartments.)
50. I know what I want, and I try my best to work toward it.